Happy Aloha Friday!
One of the challenging things about the holiday season is spending time with family and friends who may or may not be aware of your eating disorder. Having conversations around meal plans, eating disorder behaviors, and weight restoration can in itself be triggering and challenging to talk about, so below are some common scenarios and advice that I hope will be helpful!
That moment when, “I feel like everyone is watching me eat”
This one can be so challenging! When someone without knowledge around eating disorders tries to show concern or give support, it can often be unhelpful. We can recognize that the concern is likely coming from a good place, yet it is making eating harder. My advice is to have a conversation with this person. Share from your experience on why people watching you eat is unhelpful. An example of this could be, “I see that you are watching me eat, and I totally understand why, but when I see you watching me, I feel uncomfortable and start overthinking what I am eating, and this makes my eating disorder voice loud”.
That moment when people say, “You look like you lost/gained weight ”
This can be a sensitive topic - especially right out of treatment. Here you have two options. If the person knows you’ve been to treatment, this is an opportunity to educate them and say, “while I was in treatment, I started focusing on non-weight or appearance related compliments, and it has helped my self esteem so much. Instead of talking about my weight, can you focus on giving a compliment about my outfit/makeup or personality?”.
Now if the family member doesn’t know you’ve been to treatment, try something like this:
“I don’t know if I lost/gained weight because I've been focusing on my mental health instead. I am really trying to heal my relationship with my body”.
That moment when “No one knows I have an eating disorder therefore I feel like I can’t set a boundary”
Let's say that you haven’t told the majority of your family about your eating disorder recovery and don't feel like you can lean on that to set boundaries. In this case, I recommend having a “safe” person who understands what you’ve been through to help you navigate these conversations. Have them help you to change the topic or field of comments that come up around food/body image.
Initially it is hard to set a boundary, but the more you practice, the easier it’ll get. The people in our life need to know what our boundaries are. Not only is it helpful for your recovery, but it also helps them to understand their role. And remember, if any situation is too triggering, you can always take space, leave the room or even leave the party. Your recovery comes first!
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